When Are You Getting Married
Last week, I was asked if/when I’m getting married to my boyfriend 4 separate times by 4 different people! You see, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years now. I come home from college every weekend to see him and we hang out almost every Friday and Saturday night. Granted, I love him and he loves me. We do discuss getting married and having kids one day. However, since I was asked 4 times last week, it got me to thinking…
Is there a set amount of time before people just expect you to get engaged? I mean we weren’t asked this question until we got close to the 2 year mark. However, ever since then we’ve been asked this question at least once a month. Now, I’m not saying that I don’t think we will get married or that I won’t be excited about it (Trust me, I will be. You can bet there will be a whole event about it here. Haha!). I’m just wondering what society’s set expected amount of time for dating is now.
I also wanna know… If you are married, how long were you with your significant other before you got engaged? Plus, has anyone else experienced this sudden surge of questions about marriage/engagement around the 2-2.5 year mark of a relationship?
Disclosure (just because I don’t want you to wonder and because I don’t usually post something like this): No compensation or product was received for this post. I was just thinking about this stuff lately and since Valentine’s Day was this week, I figured it’d be a good time as any to ask y’all about it. Obviously, the opinions expressed are my own.
My husband and I dated for 4 1/2 yrs before we got married. We got engaged 4 yrs almost to the date from the time we first dated. We were also in our 30′s so you have time.
To be honest it is only your opinion that counts when it comes to the decision regarding marriage. Sometimes these questions people pose feel almost like they are pressuring. You have to move at your own rate.
I have a brother who was dating his now wife for 7 yrs before they got engaged and then married. They have now been married for over 18 yrs.
Whatever comes your way I wish you the best.
My hubby and I have been married for all most 6 years. Our relationship wasn’t a “normal” one. We met online. We dated about a year, had Little B during that time and then got engaged after a year and were married 4 months after getting engaged. My mom on the other hand was engaged to my step dad for 7 years before they finally married. To each couple their own
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I have been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years, he is 26 I am 24. We get asked all the time and pretty much all our friends are married/engaged, have children or are working on it. We live together and talk about marriage but I am too focused on school and my career and he is the same way. My boyfriend has made comments like when she graduates I will ask so my mom claims I am still in school because I don’t want to get married (I am in my 6th year) We are having fun so I just laugh it off when people ask and just say before we retire.
Part of it depends on where you live and how old you are – some areas of the country have a much lower average marrying age than others. You’re 21 according to your about me, right? That would be very very young in a place like New York City, but less uncommon in a midwestern or southern town. (Average age for marriage in the US is 25.6 for women)
My sweetheart and I dated for almost eight years before we tied the knot. We started getting the marriage questions around age 20/21, when we were getting closer to graduating from college – I think the fact that we were a long-term couple nearing graduation was a big part of the “so now what?” questions. Many people do tie the knot right out of college. Obviously, we decided to wait a few years
We were in a similar boat – happy to be together and we figured eventually we’d tie the knot. Things came together just right last year, we finally “got legal”, and I’m glad we waited.
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We got engaged a couple weeks after our one year dating anniversary and then got married four months later. We were both already in our 30s and had finished school and were established in our careers. Now we have been married 4.5 years and are constantly nagged about having children. I don’t think it’s anyone’s business, and I don’t ever ask others when they are getting married or having children.
We were together 3 years before he proposed (but some of those were in h.s.) and another 6 months before the wedding.
I think that seems to be a question when a couple has been together for a while. I am sure it must come up in the couples mind sometimes to. My Husband and i met in 1993 moved in with eachother in 1995 also engaged.
Got married in 1996.
Had our first son in 1997 and than second son in 2005.
But also if you get married than the question that might come up next of being married for a while is when are you having kids.
I guess it seems like it is ongoing with questions. I don’t think we got asked these questions but i know that they are questions that get asked. But as a couple i think sometimes it needs to be talked about because you both might have different views on what you want.
Anyways whatever happens good luck and happiness.
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Gee, I guess if you are still in school it seems people usually wait till they finish-but not all. We didn’t, but seems people do more these days.
We just celebrated 35 years of marriage. We KNEW pretty soon and got engaged 6 months later-married 9 months after we met. We would have gotten married sooner but with school it was a problem since our families were far away.
My husband and I were together for five years before we got engaged. People did ask around 2-3 years when we were getting married, but we were in no rush. We just went to the courthouse too. We plan on renewing our vows and having a wedding/reception on our five year anniversary, this year will be three.
I think most people just expect that around two years of being together, marriage is the next step. But I think it’s whatever is right for your own relationship.
I think age has a big factor to it. I’m not ready to get married because I’m 19, even though I’m very happy with my relationship and we’ve been together for 3.5 years. I want to be out of college and living in a house before we worry about marriage. I wouldn’t mind getting engaged, but we’d be engaged for at least 2.5 years if he proposed now, and it’s kinda silly to be engaged for that long in my opinion.
but it’s silly how people just assume that ‘its time’ to get engaged because it’s been 2 years or 3 years or whatever. engagement and marriage should obviously be about love and commitment, not a time constraint.
I dated my husband for 3 years before we got married. However, I dated two other people for three years (roughly) and marriage was discussed in both of those relationships as well.
In a word: yes there is a timer. Here’s where you will see it. Odd # relationship years after the 2nd year. Or at milestones.
It’s weird, but true. As you come up on year 3 people think, wow they’ve been together a long time, must be serious. Year 4 seems the same I guess because you’ve just had those conversations with everyone in the last year or some. But coming up on year 5 mark, you’ll get the questions all over again. And again and again.
Also expect them to start 6-9 months before you graduate as people want to know if your S.O. will figure into your post-college plans. Also, expect it: when either one of you begins to consider graduate school, if one of you will be moving for a job, if one of you will be leaving the country for work or travel for 3 months or more.
I don’t know why this is, but I can tell you across three relationships (17-20, 21-24, and 24 to 26, where I actually got married) these rules held true. Appears to true for all of my friends. Six-nine months prior to odd numbered anniversaries and big events.
Good luck fending them off, and don’t let the external pressure mangle your relationship.
my husband and i dated for a little over a year before he proposed. granted, i knew it was going to eventually happen. we talked about it all the time and i dragged him into every jewelry whenever i got the chance. we were engaged for another year and half and just recently celebrated our 3 year relationship anniversary. i am so glad that we waited nearly 3 years before tying the knot. i’m the kind of girl that gets bored quickly so i enjoyed how we paced our relationship! as long as you’re talking about a future {and i mean seriously talking about} then don’t worry about the “timer.” however, i do recommend waiting until you are out of school and definitely settled. that was the best decision we ever made!!!
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I have been married 3 times, this last time I was blessed with my Chocolate Covered Angel. The first marriage was done because it is what most little girls are taught do. You grow up and get married. The second one was done for all the wrong reasons, one of them being time.. “Been together for how ever many years” so, it’s time. Was I ever ever wrong! I do no regret the previous marriages, as I learned so much and it made me a better woman for my current husband but , the most important thing that I learned is when it is right you will know and he will too. It will happen naturally, just as you breath. It will feel as if it the best thing and the only thing to do.
When ever you take a husband, I wish you all the happiness I have finally found!
My Best,
Danyell~
My husband and I were together about 2.5 years before we got married. We might have waited longer, but we really wanted to start trying to have kids. We wanted at least 3 and were already in our very late 20s.
It never stops. After you get married, then it’s “when you having kids” Then its “when are you having more kids” LOL
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My husband and I dated for three years before we got married. I agree with those who warned about the questions never ending. Once you get married, they will ask when you are going to have kids.
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I’m actually just going through a divorce and am with a new partner now…when people ask if we are getting married, we always say we are married- just not to each other!
Its been 2 years since I’ve been separated with my ex and am waiting for all the paperwork to go through.
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two years is definitely long enough. as long as you’re over 25. if you’re under 25 i’d say wait a little longer. tell people to mind their own damn business when they ask you that question…geez!
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Dated 6 months, now married, ahem, ahem, let’s just say a REALLY long time.
Everyone’s different, you have to do what’s right for you!
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Why do we do that? We do always ask, don’t we? The good news is, you must be dating someone high quality that people would like to see you with long term. Otherwise, I hope they’d be asking when you were going to ditch the loser!
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I don’t think there should be any set time.
I met my husband when I was almost 20. We actually didn’t even like each other, lol.
We actually dated & lived together for 7 years before we finally got engaged, then married the next year.
We have now been married 13 years in October, and 8 yrs before the wedding puts me at 21 years together!
To each there own! There should never be any big rush because the first thing that happens is you loose money on your tax return by getting married! LOL
It may be happening because of your age, but I think people should just butt out! Every couple is different so there are no time frames for engagement or marriage.
I’m much older than you, but I got married when I was 22 (my first marriage) and it was too young for me. We only dated a short time. My 2nd marriage, we dated for about 2 years. Got engaged at one year and married by the 2nd year.
Have fun with your boyfriend!!
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Gosh, I hate to even say… we were together about 6 months before getting married. Thursday is our 12 year anniversary – so, in my opinion time doesn’t matter. I know people that dated for YEARS and YEARS before getting married and the marriage didn’t last as long as the relationship.
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You’ll need a blogger (social media) section for your wedding so we can all attend when you do get married
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You need to do everything on your timetable and your boyfriend’s timetable. You have your entire life to decide when to become engaged, when to get married, when to buy your first house, when to have a baby, etc.
People are so crazy to me…. as soon as you get married their next question will be when are you going to have babies. Mark my word!
We were engaged after 7 months, which is far from the norm. But why should there be a norm?
You’ll get married when you’re ready. Don’t let people make you feel like there’s something “wrong” with the picture. Every couple is different.
A good marriage lasts forever. There’s no need to follow anyone’s clock but your own.
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