Life has felt so weird since my father passed away 10.5 months ago. Mom and I have good days with random really bad days. However, I anticipate that today will be hard. October 20th was my dad’s birthday… He would have been 56 today. Since it felt so good to write a note to my mom on her birthday last month, I thought I would write a letter to my dad on his birthday even though he’s no longer with us.
Letter to My Dad on His Birthday
I always knew that losing you would be hard. I just never imagined life would be like this after you. I feel like I was unprepared to be there for mom. Often times, I feel like I have to be the strong one in our house now… you were always the tough one here and now it’s up to me. I miss you so much and I’m still trying to figure out how to navigate life without you.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for the time we had together. I know you fought as hard and as long as you could and I appreciate that. I just wish that I had taken the time to record more things that you said/did. I know you thought I was grown up and had become the person I was going to be (for better or worse), so your parenting job was mostly done. However, here I am almost a year later and I still don’t know what to do without you. I miss your advice, supportive shoulder, sense of humor, and ability to make life better.
I feel like you would want me to celebrate your life today, rather than be sad. I don’t think that will be easy though. I know you would be happy that mom and I get along better now and that I try to be supportive of her. So, today especially, I’m going to try to be strong around her. I also want to attempt to make some beer cupcakes this weekend, in your memory. I love cupcakes and you liked beer. So, I think it’s a nice combination of the two interests.
Dad, I miss you and still love you so much. The only bright point I can think of about this birthday is that, for the first time, I know you are truly painless. So, happy birthday daddy!