Sometimes it feels like time is moving so slowly. In those moments that I feel lost without my grandmother and father, I can literally feel the minutes tick by ever so painfully. However, there are days where it hits me that time really is flying by. Today is one of the latter ones. It’s so hard to believe, but my grandmother (my dad’s mom) passed away 10 years ago today. After everything though, I’m still missing my grandma.
Missing My Grandma
Like my dad, my grandmother had lots of health issues. It’s probable that they had a genetic disease in common, which greatly deteriorated their quality of lives towards the end (and finally caused their deaths). It pained me to watch them both go downhill (more so with dad because I was older and could actually see it happening). Their passings have caused me more pain than I know how to put into words at times. However, I take comfort in the fact they are no longer suffering. I would give anything to have them back with me, but only if they were both healthy and happy. It took seeing my dad’s final weeks to understand that my grandma was probably better off and I have to remind myself that they both are, to deal with things properly.
10 Years Ago
10 years ago today was my first day of eighth grade. I had spent the majority of the summer with my grandmother (for a variety of reasons). I even spent the previous night with her and slept in her bed (that was a big deal back then). When we got up that morning, everything seemed normal. Her home health nurse came by and I got ready for school. Then, I told her good-bye and she gave me $2 in case I wanted some ice cream. Then, I excitedly went with my cousins to school (I even remember the outfit I had chosen to wear… it was a new pair of L.E.I. jean shorts with a nice fabric belt and baby blue t-shirt that featured a rhinestone “L” on it). The first day of 8th grade went well enough. I rode the bus home as usual and then dad was on the phone when I got in the door at our house. I quickly realized that this was not a good phone call. It was the local hospital and they started by telling dad that they had his dad (my grandpa) there. Dad initially thought something was wrong with his dad. However, they said that he was just upset and someone needed to come and get him. Then, they finally told him that they also had grandma and she was deceased!
I don’t remember my initial reaction when dad got off the phone and told me. I don’t even remember getting in the car. The next thing I recall is the three of us (my parents and myself) picking up my cousin because he rode the bus to our grandparents’ and there was no one there now. Plus, I think dad was afraid my cousin would hear about grandma from a random person and it would go poorly (he’s two years younger than me). I remember still crying when dad had to tell my cousin about grandma before he would even get into our car… He even threw down a bottle he was carrying and began crying.
I also don’t remember how we got my cousin into the car or the ride to the hospital. I do remember getting there and walking by the room where grandma was. I chose not to go and see her in that room though. I went to a waiting room and just sat there. The next thing I remember is being back at my grandparents’ home with all of my immediate family and us recollecting the good times between sobs. I also remember the feeling when I realized that I didn’t purchase ice cream that day and I still had those $2 grandma had given me.
Remembering That Day
Clearly, I have some trouble remembering the entire day’s events. However, I remember the main parts and I remember being really upset. 10 years later and I’m still missing my grandma though. Today is always a hard day. My dad was close to my grandma, so we usually talked about her today. Without dad this year though, it’s different. Today, I’m missing my grandma and my dad. Even though I’m happy they are no longer in pain, I miss having them to talk to.
I guess I don’t really have a point to this post (sorry). However, it didn’t feel right to ignore today’s significance or to post about anything else. So, there you have the long story of what happened to me 10 years ago today… What do you find that you remember from the day(s) you discovered a loved one had died?