Anyone who has been a long-time reader of the site or follows me on social media knows that my dad passed away in 2012. So, when I got married in 2016, I had to plan the wedding without him. I’ve been wanting to write this post ever since, but I’ve never gotten the nerve up to do it. I guess there’s some guilt for having a celebration without him there. However, there are lots of ways to remember loved ones at a wedding, which helped me on my big day.

How to Remember Loved Ones at a Wedding

Weddings are supposed to be happy days. However, when a loved one is no longer around to celebrate, it can make for a bittersweet event. I found it helpful to remember my dad while forgoing some of the more traditional aspects of the big day. Here are some ways that I discovered to memorialize loved ones at a wedding.

• Attach a picture to the bouquet. I bought a small photo frame on Amazon and put a picture of my dad on his wedding day in it. Then, I attached the photo frame to my flower bouquet. That way, it was almost like he was walking me down the aisle. I have also seen other brides simply display a photo of a loved one at the wedding.
• Play a special song. I was initially supposed to dance the traditional father-daughter dance with my dad’s dad. However, my grandfather passed away two weeks before our wedding. So, I danced to a special song with my cousin instead. It was a song that both my dad and grandfather would have appreciated.
• Serve a favorite food. I didn’t intentionally pick it with my dad in mind, however we served a peanut butter pork at our wedding. My dad loved peanut butter, as do I. So, I think he would have enjoyed that meal.
• Acknowledge them in the ceremony. It doesn’t have to be something long and complicated. It can be a simple moment of silence to remember those who couldn’t be there. However, not acknowledging their absence can be awkward.

Do What Feels Right

No one can tell you the 100% right way to remember loved ones at a wedding. Do what feels right to you and your family. However, I hope these ideas are good enough to get you going in the right direction.

It’s hard to believe, but this week marks a decade after my dad’s death. I remember first posting about his passing in My Dad Passed Away and how hard it was to write that post. In many ways, that feels like a lifetime ago. In others, it’s hard to fathom that I haven’t spoken to him in a decade.

A Decade After My Dad’s Death

Ten years ago, I was still living at home with my parents. I also was a substitute teacher while looking for a full-time position. I was dating my current husband and just trying to figure life out. Then, my dad passed away and time stood still briefly. I realized how short life can be. My dad’s death really propelled me to begin traveling as I realized he never had the chance to experience much beyond the immediate area we grew up in.

In the decade after my dad’s death, it is simultaneously harder and easier. I can go a good while without being upset. Then, I will eat something or hear a song I think he would like. For example, it makes me so sad that we never got to enjoy lemon/lime desserts together as my tastebuds weren’t ready for them back then. However, I take joy in knowing that my dad would be happy that I’m eating them for him.

I also really miss him whenever I’m trying to deal with something. He almost always knew what to say to comfort me. Unfortunately, my mom doesn’t have that skill. Ha. Growing up, she often just sent me to my dad when I was upset. So, he was the person I went to whenever I needed something. Now, I rely on my husband for support and he does a great job. However, no one can replace your dad.

This post isn’t really filled with any tips or advice. I just felt that I had to recognize the importance of it being a decade after my dad’s death. Have you lost a parent? How do you deal with the loss?

Today, I interrupt your routine to share a letter to my father on the anniversary of his death. As you may recall, my dad passed away in December of 2012. Today marks three years since he’s been gone and I can’t believe so much has happened. I miss him so much right now. So, I just thought I’d write him a letter to remember him and in the process I can catch you (my readers) up.

Letter to My Father on the Anniversary of His Death

Dear Daddy,

I miss you oodles. There’s not a day goes by that I don’t think about you at some point. I still want to pick up the phone to tell you about my crazy day. I want to tell you about my kids at school. Boy, they do and say some funny stuff. I think you would appreciate the sense of humor I’ve developed to deal with the adults I work with as well. I know that you would just shake your head at me and mom though. We’re still a humorous bunch.

The reason that this year is different from last year though is the fact that I’m engaged. Some days, just the thought of walking down the aisle without you makes me cry. However, I know that you would be happy for me. I also know that you would be proud to know that I value myself as a complete human being enough to just walk myself because I believe that I’m no one’s property to be given away or received. I think that you would be happy that I’ve found the dress that makes me feel beautiful. I know that you would be happy to learn that you were right about that guy. He is in fact “sticking around”. Haha!

Dad, I try everyday to be the type of person that would make you happy to say that I’m your daughter. I think that for the most part I’m doing fine. I try to help mom whenever I can. I also try to keep myself sane and happy. I have so much to thank you for and I’m so glad that I had you here for 23 years.

I miss you, but I know that you are no longer in pain and that makes it’s easier. I really wish you were here though to do a father-daughter dance with me. I know that we would do something awesome. I also wish you could tell me which songs to play since you loved music so much.

I’m still taking it one day at a time and I know that you would want me to be happy. So, I keep trying.

I love you and miss you!

<3

I debated if I should even post something today, but I decided that I couldn’t let the anniversary of father’s passing go by without acknowledging it on here.

Anniversary of Father’s Passing

Two years ago today, my dad passed away. This was after he spent a few weeks in the hospital (including the Thanksgiving holiday). While it shouldn’t have been a surprise, I was still shocked when it happened. You see, dad had been in bad health for several years. In fact, he’d been in the hospital lots of times. However, he had always come back home and been ok (more or less). So, I guess I had come to the assumption that he would be ok that time. When he wasn’t, it was a true gut punch.

When dad passed away, someone told me that the first year without him would be the hardest. I must say that I agree, to some extent. Everyday was a new challenge without him… The first Christmas, birthday, etc. Having never experienced that before, every single holiday (which should have been joyous) was filled with dread and deep sadness.

Now that I’ve had a couple of those without him, I can’t say that they are any better. I can say though, that I don’t dread them as much simply because I’ve endured it previously and I know this is how it’s going to be. The anniversary of father’s passing has been relatively calm. I spent the day with my mom and we did some Christmas shopping. It seems like we do much better when we stay busy and go out. I don’t know that we’ll do it every year, but I certainly think it helped this year.

I still miss daddy beyond words. In fact, sometimes the pain hits me so hard and abruptly that I can’t process it. However, I take things one day at a time and just keep in mind that he would want me to be happy. So, I try to move on with my life while remembering the good times.